Random "shower thoughts" to ponder.
Randomly hearing your favourite song on the radio is more satisfying than playing it directly from your device.
“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human version of “Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?”
Maybe plants are really farming us, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume.
Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.
Lawyers hope you get sued, doctors hope you get sick, cops hope you’re criminal, mechanics hope you have car trouble, but only a thief wishes prosperity for you.
As a kid my parents taught me to not believe everything I see on TV, now I have to teach them to not believe everything they see on Facebook.
The Olympics should have a ‘For Fun’ section at the end of all the games so all the athletes can try different sports.
Tall people are expected to use their reach to help shorter people, but if a tall person were to ask a short person to hand them something they dropped on the floor it’d be insulting.
What if Earth is like one of those uncontacted tribes in South America, like the whole Galaxy knows we’re here but they’ve agreed not to contact us until we figure it out for ourselves.
If I get up 10 minutes earlier than usual, I treat it like 2 extra hours and end up late for work.
If someone offered to pay for my food and rent for the next 18 years, I’d do anything they ask of me. But I complained every time I took the trash out while living at my parent’s house.
Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969.
When you say ‘Forward’ or ‘Back’, your lips move in those directions.
Instead of colourising photos, in 50 years we will be removing filters.